Boy has this year been amazing. It feels like heaven came down and let me in. What I have realized over the past two months is that, in life, the most important thing to have is balance. The wheel of balance should look like this:
My wheel had started to chip away and become rather unbalanced. All of my energy was going into my relationships with people, specifically my significant other and his group of people. I hadn’t left anything for myself! So this past March my company sent me to Orlando for a trade show. It would be my first time outside of the little bubble I had created. It’s amazing what time away can do for the soul and the mind’s eye. I was able to see what life was like back home and how incongruent it was with my own life ambitions. Spending time by myself allowed me to bask in my true essence. To have nothing else to consider but my own whims, my own thoughts. Time away from my significant other allowed me to feel like myself again. And that’s when I realized how terribly wrong things had gone and how I needed to regain my center and find my balance. In a simple conversation with my ex (spoiler alert?) I explained how I needed time to focus on my career goals, my education goals, my spiritual goals, and how I needed freedom to go out and do fun things. This simple conversation painted a picture of us no longer together. And that was an irreconcilable flaw in the relationship.
We parted ways most amicably, but I must admit that it took my heart and mind for a spin. Here I was, completely entrenched in this man’s life, with no recollection of who I was before this nor enough sure footing to know exactly where I’d be going afterward. And it was in this moment that I threw caution to the wind and curled up in God’s hands. And the blessings came pouring in.
Let me walk you through my newly rebalanced wheel:
1. Finances: My finances had become completely entangled with my ex’s. Decisions about food, vacation, everything were made together, but with no clear separation about who would pay for what. In my eagerness and due to my generosity I often paid for more than my fair share. I could not stick to my budget because my ex and I had established a routine of spending money on whims that were an unaccountable variable that inevitably caused me to overspend. Now that my money and my expenditures are once again mine and mine alone, I’ve had a lot more success keeping within my budget.
2. Career: Ah… career. This is an area I’ve particularly been able to make strides in. Toward the end of my relationship I would come to work and try to chat with my ex all day (for reasons I’ll just keep to myself). I constantly tried to think of things to talk about. Overall my focus on him had truly become unhealthy for me. He didn’t notice a damn thing (so ladies please learn from my honest mistakes!). Now that my focus is back on improving myself and not fixing a broken thing, I’m finding a lot of luck in accomplishing the things I need to. So career… while this part of the wheel was growing terribly rusty and chipping away, I have focused some energy and it is smoothing out.
3. Physical Environment: Needless to say, my ex and I shared a home. Wrapping my head around having to move out was difficult, but of course as with most things complications abounded upon me like white on rice. Now I wasn’t just seeking a home for me and my dog, but my younger brother and sister wanted to room with me (maybe I’ll go into that later). Finding an apartment that made all of us happy in an area I enjoyed was difficult, but it has been done! My new apartment makes me very happy. So we can mark this one as successful.
4. Personal & Spiritual Growth: Oh, leaning on God always opens my heart to receive the fruits of His blessings. I’ve been able to connect with love and positivity better than ever. And, with new found clarity, I can better see how He truly works. I had begun to take for granted many of the lessons that He taught us through the Word, choosing to make things more malleable than they really are. But through sheer fortune God has brought me someone who lives his life to achieve nothing short of excellence and seeing the way he follows God’s lessons has strengthened me. I’m a visual learner, the Lord must have known this…
5. Friends, Family, Community: This one is going tremendously well! Thanks to my family needing to live with me and my friends helping me so much through this transition, I am noticing where my community really lies. I see who I’m actually being surrounded by and it’s far better and stronger than I imagined. My relationship with my overall community is so positive. It has reminded me of the power of love and due to my ability to love others they have loved me back tenfold.
6. Significant other/romance: I will honestly and openly admit that this cog in the overall balance is where I have begun to place most of my attention. I want to build a balanced and happy family one day and having the right relationship with the right man is absolutely essential to this effort. Last March (one year ago) I worked a freelance project for a marriage website. I was required to read the book and do the marriage readiness assessments. Naturally I tried to do these assessments with my ex and they turned out horribly. He had no idea what he wanted. So the process of figuring out what I wanted in marriage had to be done without him. If that didn’t tell me what was to come, I don’t know what else could have. Anyway, I began to prepare myself for marriage. To envision my dream life, my dream partner, my dream family. Just two months after that happened an old friend came back into my life, and I must have subconsciously seen what he would be to me because I latched on to him and brought him into every facet of my life. Needless to say, he is mine now. And if this weren’t perfect enough, my ex also found his perfect soul mate! I would have felt terribly guilty about this if it weren’t fully mutual on both sides, so thanks be to God.
7. Health/Self care: In one month I dropped all the weight I wanted to! I’m back to what I weighed at my physical ideal! And since I’m so focused on making myself the best version of me I have ever been, I’d say yes this section is going well.
8. Social/fun: I’m actually having the time of my life right now. Once career and my new apartment are settled, I expect to get to do lots of fun stuff with the amazing community I am a part of and with my amazing significant other.
This piece would be terribly long if I outlined absolutely all of the blessings I have received, but I hope that giving everyone such a holistic look into my life allows those who have been there to see how truly grateful I am for everything.